


winter dies the same way every spring

by Chash



Series: this is our story [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Past Finn Collins/Raven Reyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3940597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven gets back from Japan and adjusts to not dating Finn Collins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	winter dies the same way every spring

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Weakerthans!

**me:** okay, tell me about her

 **Kyle:** Her is a 2013 film directed by Spike Jonze, starring Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson  
winner of the Oscar for Best Original Screenwriting

 **me:** you know what I meant, wick

 **Kyle:** I actually have no idea  
what are you talking about?

 **me:** finn's got a girl, right?  
you saw him with someone, that's why you asked if we were still together  
and now we're broken up  
and he has a new girlfriend 

**Kyle:** not exactly  
but kind of

 **me:** that was completely unhelpful

 **Kyle:** there is a girl, but she's not Finn's girlfriend  
as far as I know  
she's one of Blake's freshmen and he has this giant, hilarious crush on her  
I know you probably cannot appreciate this right now but it is hilarious trust me  
anyway  
Finn was flirting with her at some party and Blake got all jealous and asked about you  
and Finn said you guys broke up  
and Blake asked me about it because, again  
giant, hilarious crush on this girl  
which was why I asked you  
sorry it kind of, uh  
blew up

 **me:** it's fine  
not your fault  
better than not finding out  
so she's not dating finn?

 **Kyle:** from my limited understanding, no  
Blake told her you guys hadn't broken up  
and she talked to Finn about it I guess  
and she doesn't really want to date him  
because he told her you were DEFINITELY broken up and that's a dick move  
but it's kinda hard to tell  
it's all filtered through Blake's pathetic crush

 **me:** what's her name?

 **Kyle:** Clarke Griffin  
she's cool  
he's brought her over to the house a couple times to hang out

 **me:** wow  
he really does like her

 **Kyle:** it's _the best_  
you're gonna love it

 **me:** not sure about that  
she could still go for finn  
and then it'll just suck for everyone  
but maybe i could have angry rejected sex with bellamy

 **Kyle:** that's the spirit

*

Raven gets back to UNC in early January. It's her first time driving herself to school alone; Finn offered to carpool, like they usually do, but she still doesn't know what to do with him. She's not exactly pissed, not anymore. He's been her best friend for too long for her to stay mad at him, she wouldn't know what to do without him. But he hurt her, and she's not over that either.

She gets to the house at around six; when Raven told Wick she didn't want to live with Finn like she'd planned, he offered Anya's room, since Anya is doing study abroad herself now. It feels weirdly like the first day of school, going to meet them--she knows Roma and Nyko and Indra enough to be friendly, and she and Wick are definitely actual, real friends, but she never pictured herself moving in with them.

Their living room is already full of people, and not just the four who live here--Wick and Indra aren't even around, from what she can see. Bellamy's on the floor with his girlfriend in his lap, and Miller and Nyko are playing Mario Kart with an Asian kid and a dark-haired white girl she doesn't know while Roma watches.

It's a brave new world.

Bellamy's girlfriend spots her first, and she scrambles out of his lap like she's embarrassed. Raven figures if she were Clarke, she'd probably also feel kind of weird about this situation; she sort of indirectly broke up Raven and Finn, and then instead of dating Finn, she went for Bellamy. But Raven's seen all their dumb Facebook pictures, and it's obvious how crazy they are about each other, so it's hard to be anything but kind of fondly amused. Bellamy Blake in love is something she's never seen before, and Wick was right, it's kind of hilarious.

"Hi," says Clarke, offering her hand. "Raven, right?"

"Nice to meet you," she says, shaking. "Hey, Bellamy."

"Hey," says Bellamy, giving her a hug. "Welcome back. We missed you."

"Yeah, I can tell you've been dying of loneliness," she teases. 

Bellamy slings his arm around his girlfriend with a cheerful grin. "Yeah, well. You don't know O either, huh? That's my sister, Octavia," he jerks his head to the girl playing Mario Kart. "And Monty, Miller's boyfriend."

"Dude, Miller, holy shit!" she says, going over to clap him on the back. "You have a boyfriend? No one even told me! You're so sneaky."

"Turns out if you're not on Facebook, no one knows anything about your life," says Miller. The game ends, and he gives her a hug too. "Welcome back. This is Raven, guys," he adds, to Bellamy's sister and his boyfriend. "She's moving in here."

Raven studies the boyfriend for a minute, then punches Miller's arm. "Jesus, did you and Bellamy become RAs specifically to cradle-rob?"

"Not _specifically_ ," Bellamy says. "It's more of a fringe benefit."

A heavy arm drapes over her shoulders, and she leans into Wick's familiar half-hug automatically. "Hey, Reyes," he says, giving her a brilliant smile. "Welcome back." 

"Thanks," she says, wrapping her arms around him. It's unexpected enough that he stiffens, and she has to smile a little. Every time she hugs Wick, he acts like the world is going to end. "Come help me get my stuff?"

"Yeah, of course." He follows her outside, and once they're in private, she pretty much throws herself into his arms. Wick's her best friend, outside of Finn, and he's the only person she can rely on right now for uncomplicated comfort. She wishes she didn't need to rely on anyone for that, but it is what it is. "Hey," he says, soft, catching her and hugging back. "Hi. I missed you too." He rubs her back a little. "Christmas really sucked, huh?"

"God, it was so bad. The worst ever."

"Don't tell me you actually celebrated with your mom."

"No, no way. I went to Finn's, like always. He hadn't told his parents we broke up."

Wick snorts and grabs her fridge out of the car. "Was he hoping you'd think it was too awkward to explain and get back together with him?"

"Honestly, I don't think he wants to get back together," Raven says, which was another reason this Christmas sucked. She wouldn't get back with Finn if he asked, but she sort of thought he would. He's not with Clarke or anyone else, so this means the breakup was genuine. He'd rather be single than be with her, and she thought they were going to get married someday. "He's just the fucking _worst_ at serious conversations."

"I couldn't tell from how he failed to break up with you," says Wick, and this is why she needs Wick. No kid gloves, no nervousness. Just sarcasm.

"I know, right?"

They get her stuff into her room, which is nice enough, bigger than the dorm room she would have had, and with a larger bed too. She gets in on Mario Kart and has actual competition from Miller's boyfriend, which is novel.

She gets up to leave with everyone else when it gets late, and Wick snags her arm. "Where are you going, Reyes? You live here now."

It strikes her like a physical blow. This is her life, post-Finn. It's not _bad_ , not exactly, but--

It's a brave new world.

*

Clarke Griffin is in her archaeology class.

"Can I sit here?" she asks, hesitant. 

"Sure," says Raven. "You know, you don't have to be scared of me. It's funny now, but it's going to get old at some point."

To her relief, Clarke laughs and sits down. "Sorry, this is a new situation for me. I don't really know how to handle it."

"And here I was figuring you made dudes break up with their girlfriends and then dumped them for their freshman roommates all the time."

Clarke winces, which is probably fair. That might have been overly harsh. "I thought if it was me, I'd want him to do the breakup properly. Regardless of anything else. But you're right, I shouldn't have flirted with him in the first place. I just thought I--" she bites her lip. "I was in love with Bellamy and I thought he'd never feel the same, and Finn seemed into me. It was unfair to everyone."

She looks so guilty that Raven has to laugh. "If that's the worst thing you do your freshman year of college, you're in good shape. And I am glad you told Finn he was being a dick." She grins. "And that you got with Bellamy instead."

Clarke laughs too, relieved and surprised. "Me too."

"So yeah," Raven decides. "Let's be friends."

"Friends," Clarke agrees.

Her next class is, coincidentally, computer science with Wick and Bellamy.

"I made peace with your girlfriend," she tells him, sliding into the seat next to Wick.

"Oh, cool," says Bellamy. "I wasn't sure how to convince her you weren't going to break into my room and strangle her in the night."

"So now when you do it, they'll be _really_ surprised," says Wick, and they high five.

*

It's a couple weeks into the semester when it occurs to Raven that Finn has never come by the house, has never even been mentioned that she can remember. She's watching _Community_ with Wick, Bellamy, and Clarke because they were watching it when she got back from the gym, and there's no way she's not getting in on that, and the thought hits her out of nowhere.

"Have you guys never liked Finn, or are you not hanging out with him for my benefit?" she asks.

Wick and Bellamy exchange a look, but it's Clarke who finally pipes up. "When I asked Bellamy what he thought of Finn, he said he was _so boring it's offensive_. Direct quote."

"Well, he was jealous, that doesn't count," says Raven. Clarke gives Bellamy a look like she'd never factored his jealousy into the equation, and he rubs the back of his neck.

"It was a combination of things," he says. Raven snorts, and he goes on, "Seriously! Yeah, I was jealous, but--Finn was never good enough for you, okay? He's the human equivalent of paste. He didn't deserve you in the first place."

Raven pokes him. "That's such bullshit, you know that? Dating isn't a meritocracy. People don't have to pass a test to be worthy of relationships. What did you to do earn your girlfriend?"

"Well, he's great at oral," says Clarke, casual and so unexpected that Wick chokes on his beer. Raven thumps him on the back and grins; Bellamy's girlfriend is _the best_.

Bellamy must be thinking the same thing, because he kisses her temple. "Thanks, love you too." He glances back at Raven. "Biases and merit-based dating aside, we hung out with Finn because we liked you, not the other way around."

Raven elbows Wick. "What about you?"

"I'm Switzerland," he says immediately. "If you want Collins to hang out here, feel free to invite him over any time."

"But he's not going to make the first move," Bellamy points out. "Because we don't care about Finn."

"I like my men to come to me," Wick says, making kissy faces at him. "I'm still holding out hope for you, stud."

"Good luck with that," says Clarke, dry, and snuggles back against Bellamy's chest.

After they're gone, Raven corners Wick in the kitchen and says, "Seriously. I want to hear what you think of Finn."

"Do you?" asks Wick. He crosses his arms. "What are you getting out of hearing what I think of your ex?"

"Has everyone been hoping he'll dump me for years?"

"No, jesus!" says Wick. "We were hoping you'd dump him." She stares at him, and he rubs his jaw. "That came out wrong."

"Did it?" she asks, matching his earlier tone and crossing her own arms.

"Look, I'm not into the idea of merit-based dating or whatever you want to call it, but I know you're amazing, and I never felt like Collins did. Not--" he makes a frustrated sound. "You know how Blake looks at Clarke? I want you to have someone who looks at you like that, and he never did. So, yeah, I wanted you to dump him, okay? And I want you to find someone who fucking _loves you_."

It's possibly the most worked up she's ever heard Wick get, about anything. He tends to be laid back and easy; frustration is an unfamiliar sound in his voice.

They stare at each other for a long moment, until Indra comes into the kitchen. She raises her eyebrows. "Am I interrupting something?" she asks, pulling a full bottle of Coke and a six pack of beer out of the fridge and taking them with her to parts unknown without waiting for an answer.

Wick runs his hand through his hair. "Anyway," he says. "That's my take on Collins. But like I said, if you want to keep hanging out with him, invite him over. I don't hate him or anything." He pauses. "Just maybe warn Bellamy in advance. He might be a dick about it."

"Yeah," says Raven. "Night."

"Night," Wick echoes, and pretty much flees.

*

Wick asked Raven out the first day they met. It was spring of their freshman year, and they were in the same calc class, sitting together by chance. They chatted the whole time, and afterward he said, "Hey, do you maybe want to get dinner sometime?" and she said, "I've got a boyfriend, but if you just want to hang out and talk about math and shit, I'm down." He grinned and took her to the dining hall with him, where they met up with Bellamy.

"This is Raven," said Wick. "She's in my calc class."

"I know her," he said, amused. "My roommate's girlfriend."

She'd barely said two words to Bellamy for all of fall semester, but the three of them were friends from then on, easy, uncomplicated, instantaneous. 

She sort of figured Wick asked everyone out, or at least all moderately attractive girls. He'd barely known her. She assumed it wasn't anything personal.

*

Clarke's birthday is in early February, and she's celebrating at the house because she doesn't actually like big parties, and she figures if it's at her dorm it might mutate beyond her intentions. Instead, she's going for low-key, and the only differences Raven can see between Clarke's party and any other Friday night is that all four of Bellamy's freshmen show up, not just Clarke and/or Monty, Roma bought about twice as much booze as usual, and Bellamy got a sheet cake and convinced his sister's boyfriend to spend his entire afternoon decorating it. It does look pretty badass.

Finn texts her at five and asks if she has any plans; they've been spending time together tentatively, like they're learning to walk again. Raven considers it for a minute, and then just shows Clarke her phone.

Clarke shrugs and glances over her shoulder. "Should Raven tell Finn this is what she's doing tonight?"

"Why would she do that?" asks Bellamy.

Clarke rolls her eyes. "You know I'm stupidly in love with you and never liked him that much, right? There's no reason for you to be jealous. Of anyone."

"I'm not jealous, I just don't see why she'd do that. But I don't mind if she wants to. It's her life."

She doesn't ask Wick, because she's learned her lesson about asking Wick about Finn. She texts back, _just hanging out at the house_.

 _There's a party at mine, if you get bored_ he texts. _It'd be nice to hang out with you._

She bites her lip so hard it hurts. _we're doing stuff for clarke's b-day, so probably not_.

His reply comes about fifteen minutes later. _Okay, cool. Tell her happy birthday._

She's not sure if it's a relief or a disappointment, and she doesn't want to think about it too much. She plays flip-cup with Wick, Jasper, and Monty, and then gets sucked into kings, and then Roma wants her for a beer-pong partner. She drinks more than she probably would have if Finn hadn't gotten in touch, but it's a party, so that's to be expected anyway. She tells Clarke how much she loves her a lot, and is surprised to find it's true. She thinks Clarke is awesome enough it was probably worth losing Finn, and that realization stops her cold, right in the middle of a Smash Brothers game. She's drunk enough to just stop playing and climb up to the roof, where it's cool and dark. She takes in great lungfuls of air and feels the night on her face. She's at that stage of drunk where her brain feels like it's in a vast ocean, bobbing along past her thoughts.

She's not sure how long she's been there when someone sits down next to her.

"You okay?" Wick asks.

She doesn't open her eyes. "I love Clarke more than I love Finn," she says. "Or--more than I loved dating Finn."

"Clarke's awesome." He's quiet for a minute. "It's probably not the worst thing," he says. "Not being heartbroken. Sounds better than the alternative."

"I've been assuming I was going to marry him since I was five," she says, looking at him at last. He looks like Wick, and that's nice. "I feel like I should be more upset."

He rubs his jaw. "You're upset you're not upset?"

"You know what I mean."

"As usual, I genuinely don't." He smiles at her. "You always give me either way too much credit or way too little."

"I'm upset about the wrong shit. I should have dumped him first."

"We keep telling you."

He's still looking at her, steady, affectionate, _Wick_ , and the only thing she can think to do is to press her lips against his. He doesn't push her away, but he doesn't respond either, not until she surges closer, tries to get more, and then he slides his hand into her hair, painfully gentle, and stops her.

"Come on," she huffs. "Just--I need this, okay?"

"Sorry, Reyes," he says, and he sounds genuinely remorseful. "Not from me."

"Fine," she snaps, and stands, a little unsteady on her feet. "I'll go to Finn's party, someone there will--"

"Jesus," he mutters, getting up too. "At least let me give you a ride. You're not walking forty-five minutes to campus like this. If nothing else, you'll sober up and be stuck in the middle of nowhere."

"So, what, you won't hook up with me, but you'll drive me to someone else who will? Are you my pimp now, Wick?"

His jaw works. "I'm trying to do the right thing, okay?" he says, and the fight goes out of her. 

"I'm just going to go play Mario Kart again," she says, and doesn't wait to see if he follows her.

*

She goes to the library the next day literally as soon as she wakes up, and stays there until it closes, leaving only to grab food a couple times. She turns her phone off and finishes work that hasn't even been assigned yet, reads some book on internal combustion engines for fun. If Wick's at the house when she gets back, he makes no effort to talk to her, and she flees to her room before anyone else can try either.

In the morning, she finds him already in the kitchen by the coffee pot. She tries to leave before he sees her, but he catches her wrist.

"Look, I've seen enough romantic comedies to know that this is a potential nightmare situation, so I'm just going to tell you one thing and then you can get back to ignoring me or whatever." He waits until she looks at him. "If you're thinking I stopped you the other night because I don't want you, don't. Of course I want you. You're fucking awesome. If you ever want to make out when you're sober and willing to date me, let me know. But I can't if you're just drunk and lonely. I can be your friend, I'll always be your friend. And I could--" He wets his lips and looks away. "I could be your boyfriend," he says, like it hurts. "But I can't just be the guy you go to when you're drunk and want to get laid. I can't give you that." She stares at him, not sure what to say, and he nods once and pushes off the counter. "Anyway. Later."

There's coffee in the pot, so she pours herself a mug and then goes and sits in her car, trying to figure out where she's going. Finn used to be her emergency contact, the one she went to for advice, but she can't imagine talking to him about this. Her backup is Wick, of course, and he's even less possible than Finn, so she drives over to Bellamy's dorm. His door is closed, but she knocks anyway, and she hears him say, "Yeah, come in."

He's on his futon with a history book; Clarke's asleep in his bed, wearing a gray t-shirt she recognizes as his. Neither she nor Finn ever had a single while they were dating, so sleepovers were a rare, exciting thing. She wonders if she would have spent every night with him, if she'd had the option, or if the novelty would have worn off and she would have wanted some time to herself.

"Hey," he says.

"Sorry, I won't--" she jerks her head toward Clarke and he snorts.

"Don't worry about it, she sleeps like the dead. Come on in. What's up?"

She does as she's told, closing the door behind her, and sits down next to him. "Did Wick tell you what happened Friday night?"

He thinks it over and settles on, "Yeah."

"Because he's in love with me."

"No comment."

Raven rolls her eyes. "No comment means yes, everyone knows that. And he already told me." Not in so many words, but it was pretty clear.

"Then yeah," says Bellamy. "Because he's in love with you."

She leans back and closes her eyes. "Shit."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know. He's just been moping after me for three years? That's why he wanted me and Finn to break up."

"No," says Bellamy. "Well, probably part of why. But--I don't know. You should ask him." He pauses. "He's always going to be your friend, Raven."

He said as much himself, but she can't quite buy it. "That's what I thought about Finn."

"You are still friends, right?" Bellamy asks. "Just awkward."

Raven snorts. "I guess." She glances at him. "Did everyone know Wick was in love with me?"

"Yeah. Did you seriously not know?"

"I figured he knew better."

Bellamy shrugs. "I don't think he was pining away or anything. Just couldn't help it."

"He did give me a giant hug and thank me when you and Finn broke up," Clarke remarks from the bed. "It was a little weird."

"Well, it's Wick," says Raven. "He's always a little weird."

He's on the living room couch with some homework when she gets back; she goes upstairs, gets her own, and sits down next to him. They don't say anything, but it doesn't feel heavy or awkward. It feels the same as always.

*

Finn starts dating a quiet sophomore named Fox; he tells Raven about it like he's guilty, like she doesn't know he'd be dating Clarke if Clarke would have had him. Like he thinks she was still assuming they'd get back together.

"Is he going for girls with animal names bingo?" Wick asks when she tells him. It's been almost two weeks since the conversation in the kitchen, and it's been--normal. She catches him out of the corner of her eye sometimes, finds herself tracing the curve of his smile and his arms, wanting to lean close, hear him laugh, but that's normal too, when she thinks about it. She's always liked Wick.

"Good thing it didn't work out with Clarke," says Roma. "She wouldn't have helped with that at all."

They spend a while brainstorming what Finn's type is--Wick votes for "Native American gods," while Roma favors "animals that crawled into a mitten in this book I had when I was a kid," although googling proves that neither ravens not foxes are on both lists--and then Nyko gets home and he and Roma go out for dinner. 

"You sure you're okay?" Wick asks her.

"Yeah."

"Cool."

"What if I wanted you to be my boyfriend?" she asks, without quite meaning to. "Not because of Finn. Because of you."

He looks at her like he's trying to figure something out. "Just ask," he says.

It should be easy, but she's never done that before. Finn is the only person she's ever dated, and he was romantic, when it finally happened. He bought her flowers and showed up to take her to homecoming junior year in a tux, with a limo, and she had her first kiss on the dance floor, like a movie. 

But Wick's not the best friend who invited her over for dinner when he realized she didn't have anything to eat, not the guy who let her sleep in his bed when her mom was drunk and she didn't want to be home. Wick isn't in that story. 

That story is over.

Wick's in the story where she's on her own, and she's doing all right with it, where she has a bunch of people who love her and have her back, where she stays up late playing video games and gets up early to drive to class, and he pays her back for giving him rides with expensive, fancy coffees from Starbucks. Wick's in the story where she doesn't keep people because she needs them, but because she wants them. And Wick's always been the one she wants to keep the most.

And she likes this story too.

"Hey, Wick, you want to get dinner sometime?"

He grins, and she _loves_ his stupid grin. She always has. "Aww, Reyes. I thought you'd never ask."

**Author's Note:**

> Wick POV is [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4039033/chapters/9103237)!


End file.
